Girl, I'm all cried out over youuuuuuuuuuuuu

Well, the last 3 months have been eventful, they've been ridiculous. I honestly never thought I'd recover so well or so fast. Fuck me, I remember those first two weeks I just cried and hurt. Grand National was hard, some nights were harder. Wasn't until the station night that the humiliation just subsided. Then befriending my enemy just undid all that damage. That was my favourite night, seeing her fail in her diligently fought campaign to destroy my life. The look on her face tore away any hold she had over me. I came back to life that night. It just didn't hurt anymore, and she lost relevance. Sure, she was a pain in the arse for a few weeks still, but emotionally, her grasp had been unhinged. Those photos, how hilarious, how brilliant, how very apt. My night was made all the better for those photos, and the whole episode has inspired my writing, written in a style much better conveyed than explained here. But I don't need to explain, this is only for me, only for reference, only so I can reflect one day. My chapters are being written with pace, and they're decent, my writing has improved dramatically. It's nice to take a break and regress to this colloquial manner of writing. In a return to my metaphor, I'm sick of how heavily she dominated this season. Chris was supposed to be the enemy, not her, how odd that the night I tried to complete the proposal that it set this whole ordeal in motion. How odd that I quit her previous job for her, triggering her next employment and inadvertently creating the circumstances for this year's events. I'll never understand how I lost myself so badly, at Christmas I was still me, I didn't tolerate any of her bullshit. By January, I was a shadow of myself, and by April, my personality was in a coma. But, it helped, it inspired me, I don't think anything could've motivated me more than her desperate attempts to ruin my life. How brilliant was Gerrard's metaphorical influence on my life. I don't think I've ever received more praise than for those photos, I don't think I've ever received more hate from her side for that. I thrived on that. Snelly always said no-one would win the battle with me, he was right, even if I didn't believe it for most of the time. Carousel was unbelievable, I now understand why she didn't want me to do that show, the buzz I got from that show was incredible, and to sing You'll Never Walk Alone as Gerrard made his last showing for Liverpool, it was poignant yet brilliant. I was lost in that moment. Then my degree, to somehow achieve a first after it looked certain I would leave with nothing. That was special. Then the atonement. At Sainsburys I got further in one night than I had in all those months years ago. How ridiculous that the clairvoyant I spoke to predicted most of these things, how scarily accurate she was with names and details. I don't know if I believe her, all I know is that she's been right about nearly everything. Where now, I'm on the cusp of achieveing everything. Only two things stand between me, one is booked, but it's not in my hands that it certainly happens. If it does, I will complete a long awaited promise and I will be ten times better than before. I'm happy again at last, but I feel like I'm stagnating, there is still much more to achieve. But it depends on the decisions of other as much as my own. The promise still remains the same. The title, to get back to the top.