Thursday 7th January 2010

I was terrified yesterday, not now, it doesn't scare me, today was crucial and I had to run in the snow to the hospital to keep hopes alive, I did, and then later, I made my ultimate plan, it's definately just like the old Tom would do it. It's hit me that I am invincible in Berwick as long as I play to my best, I need to be that away from home. Later in the day, my crazy unlikely plans work once again, in 7 days I've turned this title race upside down, put myself right back in the running, and then very late on, she just blocks me, why, I dunno, probably because of what Tom O'connell did, I wish I could go back and stop him, I can't, I can only concentrate on here and now and try and erase his mistakes, safe in the knowledge that he'll never return. I'm becoming a power again sort of, not what I once was no way, but at home, oh yes, definately, away, oh no, no way. I won't give up, everyday I still recall the promise I made, every aspect of it, and now, the operation, it doesn't scare me, if I die, so be it, at least I gave everything at the end, at least I was good again, at least I didn't hate myself. If it turns out right, if I survive, then I predict a very close finish at the end of the season, then after January, I'll be one step away from finally challenging for the ultimate prize, I will be able to compete once again, I'm relishing the oppurtunity, I'd be the happiest guy alive if I could win the title, and that's true, it's a metaphor, but it's true. A year ago today I sat bottom, crying at the inneviatable prospect of leaving Berwick, knowing it was my fault for losing everything a second time, 2 years ago, we were just like now, not too cocky, knowing it was unlikely, not caring, challengin for the title, knowing I was invincible at home when we played at our best. I won't give up, that's a promise! 3rd

Wednesday 6th January 2010

Today was good, a bounce back from the draw yesterday, I have to use football as a metaphor, it's the only way I can keep track of anything and monitor progress, the first half of the day produced nothing, but the second half was great, a proper Berwick day, trouble, legging, danger, adrenaline, the works, but as I've said before, my home form isn't the problem now, it's the away form, I juat can't be fully 100% me away from home, but then I'm always so nervous and cautious, but again I know why that is, and when that reason makes an appearance close to home, it becomes both an asset and a problem. I can't argue with today, a 3-0 win I reckon, all 3 goals coming in the second half of the day, and now the 7th January, that's out of my hands, beyond my control, there is nothing I can do about it, it's so crucial. 3rd

The fight reaches it's most crucial period

Following a friend's advice, I'm blogging my personal battle back to the top, my fight to re-live the old days, I've been through a depression, a massive comeback, and a second worse depression before the comeback I'm on now. I'm not prepared to lose, I'm living on a promise that I intend to fufill.