Thursday 7th January 2010

I was terrified yesterday, not now, it doesn't scare me, today was crucial and I had to run in the snow to the hospital to keep hopes alive, I did, and then later, I made my ultimate plan, it's definately just like the old Tom would do it. It's hit me that I am invincible in Berwick as long as I play to my best, I need to be that away from home. Later in the day, my crazy unlikely plans work once again, in 7 days I've turned this title race upside down, put myself right back in the running, and then very late on, she just blocks me, why, I dunno, probably because of what Tom O'connell did, I wish I could go back and stop him, I can't, I can only concentrate on here and now and try and erase his mistakes, safe in the knowledge that he'll never return. I'm becoming a power again sort of, not what I once was no way, but at home, oh yes, definately, away, oh no, no way. I won't give up, everyday I still recall the promise I made, every aspect of it, and now, the operation, it doesn't scare me, if I die, so be it, at least I gave everything at the end, at least I was good again, at least I didn't hate myself. If it turns out right, if I survive, then I predict a very close finish at the end of the season, then after January, I'll be one step away from finally challenging for the ultimate prize, I will be able to compete once again, I'm relishing the oppurtunity, I'd be the happiest guy alive if I could win the title, and that's true, it's a metaphor, but it's true. A year ago today I sat bottom, crying at the inneviatable prospect of leaving Berwick, knowing it was my fault for losing everything a second time, 2 years ago, we were just like now, not too cocky, knowing it was unlikely, not caring, challengin for the title, knowing I was invincible at home when we played at our best. I won't give up, that's a promise! 3rd