Rebuild

I've been sent back to 2012 levels, 2012 levels of confidence, of performances, of value, of shame, of humiliation. I thought I'd worked hard enough to ensure that such a dark depression could never resurface. I was wrong. I must rebuild myself, but this time 10 times better, stronger, faster. I need to be more intuitive, more dynamic, braver, harder, colder. Colder, that's what will save me. I'm going to follow through with the original plan. The master plan, the plan to achieve everything. I'm going to keep the November 12th promise, I live by that promise. I'm going to rise up from the ashes of defeat and emerge a better me than ever before. I know talk is cheap, and where I am right now represents the pillars of sand I managed to build. They fell, easily, in one night. "Use your body, in every way that you can, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own." My body, my face, everything, it just change. Once I've done this I'll be able to get back to the top, and I'll make sure that I'm never torn down so easily again. Look at this Tom. Look at this every time you have second thoughts, every time you want to give up, every time you think you've made it without executing this plan. You must know that is temporary, this plan is the only real way to win. I'm talking to myself, my past to my future. Remember me, remember this Tom and the pain and humiliation I felt. Remember me. Replay that night and the two that followed, and remember the pain. I trust myself which means I trust you, my future self. Go out and do what was always promised, please do not give up. Please do not stop. I am more powerful than I realise and you must remember this. Read this when you've accomplished the plan, and cheer, go out into Berwick and celebrate like Gerrard does, use that allegory, win that title. I know you can achieve this, so do it, remember, the fear of failure is illogical. It seems strange writing to myself, but I know it's the only way you'll remember. Remember this Tom, make me the last to suffer the issues that hold me back. Please don't fail me. I know you can win.