It's over, my hopes ended, for ever.

The 12th July marks the end. I believe I was poisoned, I inhaled some pesticide I had placed down in the garden, not a substantial amount, but that's when it started. I felt numb soon afterward, and dizzy, and the world just looked different. I still feel the same now, although the 2 days after the exposure I was fine for small periods. But now I am permanently damaged, I know this because it has been 35 days since this ordeal began, and I show no signs of recovery. Of course I don't, because I know I never will, it's permanent, it's damage from a neurotoxin. My mum recreated the same scene, inhaled a similar amount, twice no less, yet shows no symptoms. I have no idea why. Because of all this I am writing today to declare my life over, and to effectively retire from all the things I was doing and had planned, because I can no longer do them. The world has become a difficult place to navigate, and I struggle to do even the simplest things. I have given up hope of recovery, which is gut wrenching, because I know if I had not been ill I would've accomplished all the things I had planned, I was on top of the world. Was. Now my life has been stolen by a chemical called deltamethrin, a chemical that I advise no-one ever comes into contact with. I wish I could cope, and re-launch my life, but I just can't.