I can't lose!

I just won't give up, I just won't, fuck this, I'm sick of this rut, I have to get out of it, it's been far too long, I won't do this any more, I've had enough. I still remember the promise I made myself, I still intend to fufill it, there's no way I can just sit here and allow my life to just fade away into obscurity. I'm still here, stuck inside myself, I'm a shadow of my former self, but I'm still here, I'm still the same me I was when I was 15, and I always will be, I don't want to change, I like that me, it's a good way to be. I've listened to what everyone else thinks I should be doing, and how I should be thinking, and that's it, no more. I live by my own philosophy, I'm not having my actions dictated to me any more. First I have to get healthy again, then fit again, then confident again, but I have to adapt. My world has changed and I cannot ignore that, but I won't allow my life to be complete devoid of the excitement and purpose which once surrounded it, no, that time is over. However unlikely it is, I must win!